Written on the (Smelly) Wind
Who's stinky-butt perfumes are competition for hot-mess Britney Spears? Might be surprised on that one. Plus, you bitchy-ass readers must never get any, 'cause we got the crank-a-thon mailbag comin' your way!Celeb Sniff-Off
Tacky wardrobes and weaves aren't the only ways to make a buck in T-town. Actors, athletes and musicians can always recreate themselves into a fragrance-because everyone wants to smell like casting couches, dank nightclubs and grass stains.
Sorry to inform, but the top-selling fragrances on the market come from celebs like Sean John Combs (yet another
alias for Diddy) and his negative-sounding scent, Unforgivable, which hauled in more than $75 mil last year. Sure did better than
Cher's old
Uninhibited. Remember that one? Pretend you do. Damn, guess a lot of people like the smell of being bitter and holding grudges. Going down the celeb coffers
list is Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds at $60 mil and Sarah Jessica Parker's Lovely at $57 mil,
which is far easier to enjoy than Fergie's latest single for the Sex and the City movie, seriously.
Jennifer Lopez's twin tots are prolly
gagging when gal goes to breast feed 'em, thanks to the amount of perfume spritzed on her neck. La Lopez's fragrances, from Glow to Live Luxe, made
the Latina hon a luscious $77 mil, which we're sure she uses as kindling in the fireplace of her already massive mansion.
But who's got the biggest slice of the celeb scent cake?
Britney, 'course. The lot of her pukey
perfumes made $84 mil in what was undoubtedly the worst year of B-babe's life-glad something went right for our dear tart. B.S. could shave her head,
get strapped to a gurney, put on a horribly executed performance on live TV, lose control of her estate, her kids and her mind and still have people paying
upwards of 60 bucks a bottle for the Britney Spears brand. Maybe gal's fans are so
enamored with the old back-in-the-day Britney they don't give an ef what she's up to now? Or maybe the bottles are pretty (they're not).
Bet if perfume execs wrung out her sweat-stained towel from a training sesh at Bally's and poured it into a Starbucks cup they'd still have takers.
It's from Ted Casablanca's column, so excuse the horrible diction, lol.
U know what I mean?
